Okay, I actually write this without preparing, I kind of pouring everything inside my head now that I need to let out. So I’m sorry if this thing is kind of rambling or unorganized etc.
About a few days ago, I wake up in the morning, minding my business, taking bath and dressed myself. I kind of wanted to wear this particular dress because I always feel good about it. It fit perfectly in my body, and I feel so confident just by using it. I feel good about my body when I use it. I feel joy.
So I decided to wear this dress and prepare myself for the day. But then, my mom tell me,
“Didn’t you just wear that dress about 3 days ago?”
And I’m like, “I don’t remember.” Then she told me, “Go change your dress. It looks boring to see you in that dress again.”
It hit me so hard that I just keep silent and change myself into another dress.
While I was changing, my mind keep me busy. Why did somebody ever concerned about how I look? Why did my mom being bothered because I wear the same dress 3 days ago? Am I having too less dress that it bothers other people that I wear the same dress all over again?
I don’t think that that’s the case. What’s the problem of having this small amount of dress and just rotate them every few days. It’s the dress that I’m feeling good about wearing it. It’s the dress that making me feeling confident. It’s the dress that making me feel good about my body. Why is it bothering other people to see me with that exactly same dress again?
My mom is a hoarder in terms of clothes and bags. She has tons of clothes and always said that she doesn’t have any clothes. She was bugged to wear the same dress from a week ago.
So this experience made me think, is having less stuff is bad? I just don’t understand why can’t I wear the same dress again? Why is it bothering them?
I remember when I was a child, when I liked this particular dress, my mom would only laugh and said, “Look! She likes that dress and wear it every day.” When I grew up, it became a problem. I just don’t understand at all.
In the end, I did change my dress only to please my mom and not please myself. Not that I dislikes my other wardrobe, only that I wanted to wear that dress but just can’t. And oh, I remember using that dress in about a week ago. Not 3 days ago. So…